On a Night in Melancholy

This was written some time ago and I had published this on a previous blog which is now deleted, so I'm reuploading it here. This was written at a different time, and on the off chance anyone reads it - I am fine.

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I’ve been having some deeper thoughts recently - namely about death. Sometimes I wonder about what happens after death. I’m convinced there has to be something. I’m not entirely convinced it’s a religious experience as we know here in the West, but there’s so many accounts of something being on the other side from those who have had NDEs (Near Death Experiences). Whether that’s a result of the chemicals released in our body as a last ditch effort to survive, or something else, I’m not sure. It’s a fascinating topic, and one that the more I think of, the more I feel comforted, oddly. An infinite peace, an escape from the loud hustle and bustle of life. I suppose I passively ideate on suicide somewhat - not very often, but definitely sometimes. It’s a comforting thought at times.

I was feeling a little low yesterday and decided to listen to some long videos on YouTube with titles like “What if feels like to be alone” or “What it’s like to be up at 4am”. The comments on these videos are breathtaking. Just people from all over the world all basking in the same emotion or feeling felt at these times. Some of them depressed, some of them satisfied. I read some truly intimate stories in these comments from people I’ve never known, and some moved me emotionally. They really made me think about what my death would do to the people that love me. It helped me. To those who commented, thank you. It’s hard to describe, but reading these comments really made me realise the connectedness we all share - the same emotions, the same feelings, the same consciousness in certain environments.

Music is truly the most beautiful thing this world has ever produced. A language we are all fluent in. The power of the written word and the power of sound could transport me into experiences the users on this video had gone through - and I could appreciate it as if I was there. I’m currently listening to another similar video, and it’s amazing what it does for the mind. It’s just me and my laptop, in my small apartment. The music tells me it’s a rainy day, and I’m relaxed, just had my coffee and my nicotine, and I’m letting my words pour onto this page. At this moment, I’m satisfied with my life as it is. Small steps forward, and an embrace of the present.